BigFatDave - Tutoring Analysis

What is tutoring?

To different people it has different meanings, but a fairly universal definition, at first glance, seems to be: to accomplish for a student what the teacher can't (for whatever reason). Thus, tutoring is a fundamentally academic activity, if we buy this definition.

What if we don't buy that definition?

When the student is disinterested in learning, the guardian (typically the parent) will often attempt to patch the problem with a tutor. In this case, the tutor is being called upon to motivate the student to want to learn. Clearly, we're no longer talking about an academic activity, but rather a Psychological engineering feat.

Isn't this just an academic distinction?

It may be an academic distinction, but it has practical implications. In particular, the science of manipulation (getting somebody to do something he has no interest in doing) and the sciences of teaching (the science of learning and the science of communicating) have very little overlap, so the likelyhood of finding an excellent tutor who's also an excellent Psychological engineer is low. This partially explains the high turnover rate of tutors called in to work with "problem children." (The other critical factor, not surprisingly, is that the parents of such kids tend to have relatively high stress levels. When investors' stress levels go up, they spin the revolving doors for the top executive positions. That's their way of "doing something." A parent who loves his kid more than anything can't be expected to spin the revolving door for tutors any less furiously when his stress levels go up.) Now, in ancient times, the fight-or-flight instinct served a useful purpose. Today, we live in a world based on slow actions. (How long does it take to get an injunction? In the animal world, the equivalent of a final judgement with no appeals often happens within seconds.) More often than not, doing nothing at all is safer than randomly picking a course of action, and hoping for the best.

How will my kid learn if I do nothing?

He won't. You have to do something to change the status quo. Your job is to figure out the best course of action for getting from the status quo to your goal, while keeping in mind the (perhaps annoying) fact that your kid has a mind of his own, and therefore by definition has his own goals.

I'm the parent. It's my job to make the right decisions for him.

In that case, there's no reason to be surprised that friction will be the inevitable result. If you're lucky, you'll grind him down first; if he grinds you down first, you'll call him a "problem child."

Why can't I just keep spinning the door until I get the right tutor?

You can, but because you're looking for a good teacher who's also a good Psychological engineer, the odds are against you (especially before your kid's next test). Also, even if you do bump into the right tutor by some accident, Psychological engineering is rarely accomplished to the satisfaction of a nervous shareholder within the timeframe alloted by the spinning door, so most likely you'll boot the guy without even knowing he was the right one. As the test draws closer, the door spins faster, leading to a viscious cycle. That's why problem children tend to stay problem children until they go away to the univrsity dorms, and suddenly, they start to "grow up."

Okay, so what am I supposed to do with this kid?

One solution is to let your kid grow up earlier: give him an environment more like a college dorm. Take a step back and be an advisor, rather than a governer. (Having an obviously stressed parent running after you after a long day in school can't be good for your health.) Lay down the minimum rules necessary and enforce them (and only them) firmly. Offer to talk over any rules and the basis for their necessity. (If you did your homework, he won't be able to poke any holes in your arguments.) Ask him about his future plans. Encourage him to think about his life. Remember, if your way really is right, he'll probably find it all by himself, anyway. Your job becomes to simply help him find it faster, with a very conservative definition of "help." If you follow these basic guidelines, you may very well find that your kid doesn't need a tutor at all, but even if he does, the time spent with him will be far more efficient.

This sounds interesting. Should I try this with my other kids, too?

Unless you're an academic, it's probably not worth it. If you have a parenting style that works for everybody but the "problem child," fix what's broke, and keep what works.

Wait, isn't this page about tutoring?

Yes, but since tutoring today includes a lot of Psychology, we had to digress to cover some background info.